Bovie Movie

Exploitation king Fred Olen Ray was well entrenched in his “Erotic Thriller” phase (typified by films like Inner Sanctum) when he turned out this oddball mix of salacious schemes and demonic possession. When creatively blocked horror writer Howard (Ted Prior) buys an oversized jar containing a silly-looking pickled monster from a tiny shop in Chinatown, he quickly falls under the thing’s supernatural influence. Not only can he churn out reams of manuscript pages like never before, he also becomes more sexually aggressive — a change which troubles his reserved wife Peggy (statuesque Sandahl Bergman), particularly after the arrival of sexy blonde live-in secretary Carol (Shannon Tweed, whose presence had become ubiquitous in films of this kind). The plot thickens when we learn that Carol is also conspiring with her partner Murray (Frank Sivero), Howard’s greedy agent, to steal his manuscript. Carol soon becomes the puppet of the thing in the jar as well, playing violent sexual games with the couple, terrorizing Peggy at every turn, and ultimately turning on Murray — leading to a hyper-violent climax which has nearly every character blasting away at his/her co-conspirator with automatic weaponry. Despite the heftier financial backing of Columbia Home Video, this is still exploitation in the classic Ray tradition, filled with the usual bucketloads of nudity and kinky sex, and featuring cameos from such familiar B-movie faces as Ray Silva and Turhan Bey, as well as Kato Kaelin as a busboy in the restaurant scene with Bey.

John Milius’s jingoistic direction and pulpy screenplay fit perfectly into this film version of the Robert E. Howard fantasy story of the sword and sorcery hero, Conan the Barbarian. Complementing Mulius’s heavy metal production is Arnold Schwarzenegger’s leaden acting, which in any other context would be deadly, but here (as in The Terminator) corresponds nicely with the whole sonorous project. The story begins when a horde of rampaging warriors massacre the parents of young Conan and enslave the young child for years on The Wheel of Pain. The Wheel of Pain seems to have as its only purpose the building up of Conan’s muscles, so it’s no surprise that one day Conan grows up to become Arnold Schwarzenegger. As the sole survivor of the childhood massacre, Conan is released from slavery and taught the ancient arts of fighting. Transforming himself into a killing machine, Conan travels into the wilderness to seek vengeance on Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones), the man responsible for killing his family. In the wilderness, Conan takes up with the thieves Valeria (Sandahl Bergman) and Subota (Gerry Lopez). The trio comes upon a weird snake cult, linked to Doom, and Conan wants to trek off to Doom’s mountain retreat to kill him. But he is prevented from doing that by King Osrik (Max Von Sydow), who wants the trio of warriors to help rescue his daughter who has joined Doom in the hills.