Bovie Movie

Writer and director John Carpenter returns to the mixture of science fiction and horror that made The Thing (1982) a success. Natasha Henstridge stars as Lt. Melanie Ballard of the Martian Police Force, a member of a law enforcement team two centuries in the future, dispatched to the remote colony of Shining Canyon. There, the most notorious criminal on Mars, James “Desolation” Williams (Ice Cube), awaits transport to a more secure jail. Besides Ballard, the other cops include the rookie Bashira (Clea Duvall), hotshot and fast talker Jericho (Jason Statham), tough veteran and squad leader Helena (Pam Grier), and reliable soldier Descanso (Liam Waite). Once Ballard and her companions arrive in Shining Canyon, however, they discover that it’s a literal ghost town. It seems that an archaeologist team led by Professor Whitlock (Joanna Cassidy) has uncovered an ancient relic at a nearby dig site, unleashing the vengeful spirits of the planet’s long-ago warrior inhabitants, which have now possessed the bodies of the human invaders and set about trying to destroy them. After her team is decimated by the Martian specters, Ballard is forced to turn for help to the one person she can’t really trust: Williams. Ghosts of Mars screenwriter Larry Sulkis broke into the film business as producer of the satirical commercials in Carpenter’s They Live (1988).

The made-for-cable musical satire Reefer Madness is based on the award-winning play of the same name, which in turn was inspired by the notorious — and deliciously awful — 1936 anti-marijuana film originally titled Tell Your Children. A smarmy lecturer (Alan Cumming in the first of his three roles in the film) arrives in a typical small town of the late ’30s to warn the populace of the dangers of the “evil weed,” bringing along a lurid propaganda film to dramatize his message. In broad, unsubtle, and hilarious strokes, the movie-within-a-movie shows how even a squeaky-clean pair of highschoolers named Mary Lane (Kristen Bell) and Jimmy Harper (Christian Campbell) can become hopeless dope addicts by succumbing to the lure of marijuana. Reefer Madness is not only a savage skewering of the original black-and-white movie (some of the musical’s campiest lines are taken directly from the earlier script!), but also a devastating attack on what playwrights Kevin Murphy and Dan Studney consider to be the real reason that the 1936 movie was made: to frighten the public out of their wits in order to keep them under the thumb of an oppressive government. Thus, the musical manages to take a number of not-so-veiled swipes at xenophobia, racism, McCarthyism, the Bush Administration’s Homeland Security policy, and even the recent FCC clampdown on “offensive” TV fare (one of the film’s highlights is a garish nightclub number featuring Jesus Christ). The ebulliently staged songs include “The Stuff,” “Down at the Ol’ Five and Dime,” “Lonely Pew,” “Listen to Jesus Jimmy,” “Mary Jane/Mary Lane,” “The Brownie Song,” “Tell ‘Em the Truth,” and the title number. Officially titled Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical, this film first aired April 16, 2005, on the Showtime cable service.

I think I can safely consider myself to be a fairly open-minded and tolerant horror fan, but there’s one thing I honestly can’t stand: horror comedies that are not funny, nor gory. And unfortunately we happen to see a lot of those lately, especially in the sub genre of ‘zombie movies’ ever since a British instant classic called “Shaun of the Dead” successfully mixed humor with splatter. By now everybody seems to think they’re capable of making a horror comedy and this naturally results in a huge pile of stinking, inept, insufferable and redundant straight-to-video crap. All these untalented filmmakers don’t seem to realize that “Shaun of the Dead” was actually the exception that confirmed the rule: zombies, people coming back from the dead to hunt the flesh of the living are no laughing matter. Like the case in “The Mad”, there’s absolutely nothing even remotely funny about family members getting killed by walking corpses that died after consuming beef infected with the mad cow disease. People will not start to make jokes or have discussions about the definition of a zombie moments after their beloved partners have been reduced to a pile of blood and intestines on the floor! “The Mad” really tries to be hilarious, with its absurd & stereotypical character drawings and clichéd father-daughter-stepmother-punk boyfriend relationship jokes, but it miserably fails. The other elements to create comedy are either totally pathetic (spontaneously attacking hamburgers) or utterly derivative (inbred farmers and banjo music). “The Mad” can’t even distinguish itself from the majority of lame-ass low budget horror junk with a good amount of nauseating splatter, as the make-up effects and massacres are nothing exceptional at all. It’s not a gore-soaked bloodbath and we’re only treated to a couple of mundane zombie-attacks and relatively bloodless annihilations. And then there’s Billy Zane, the “famous” name parading the DVD-cover; hoping to attract more viewers with it. To my surprise I encountered a lot of reviews claiming that his performance was awesome but I, on the other hand, have rarely seen someone acting so uninterested and hammy, and no, I don’t misinterpreted the fact his performance was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek. Zane more than obviously wasn’t interested in starring in this piece of junk and he can’t hide it. For crying out loud, Billy! Maybe you desperately needed the money, but if you really don’t want to star in garbage like this, then don’t sign the contract! “The Mad” is a terrible film, not funny, not horrific, not gruesome, nothing to recommend.

Animal rights activists free a group of infected chimpanzees to horrifying results in this speculative sci-fi horror effort from Trainspotting director Danny Boyle. Waking from a coma in a deserted London hospital 28 days later, bicycle courier Jim (Cillian Murphy) takes to the deserted city streets in a state of mystified confusion. Joining forces with another group of survivors following a terrifying encounter in a seemingly abandoned church, Jim soon learns the truth behind the deserted streets and the menacing creatures that lurk in the shadows. It’s soon revealed that the chimpanzees had been harboring a deadly virus that sends its victims into a furious, murderous rage, and in the days following the initial exposure, the entire population was nearly wiped out due to the resulting homicidal rampage. Is there still a glimmer of hope for humanity — or has the deadly “rage” virus found its way to foreign shores and infected the entire planet?

A good Samaritan becomes the victim of voodoo spells in this horror story produced by Scream screenwriter Kevin Williamson. When an aged Creole woman is caught in a car wreck in a remote section of Louisiana, Ray (Rick Cramer), the owner of a nearby filling station, speeds to the scene of the accident to help. However, Ray doesn’t know that the woman is a voodoo practitioner whose vehicle holds a case full of magic talismans. The magical spirits lead Ray to an unexpected death, and then they take over his body, turning him into a bloodthirsty monster. As the reanimated Ray makes his way into town, a group of teenagers including Eden (Agnes Bruckner) and Tammy (Bijou Phillips) find themselves running for their lives from the supernatural creature, while Deputy Turner (Method Man) looks for a way to keep the strange menace under control. Venom went into release in the fall of 2005 — only a few weeks after Hurricane Katrina devastated much of the state of Louisiana, making the film seem unfortunately topical.

One of the only survivors of a man-made plague joins forces with a team of private warriors in a bid to save what’s left of the Earth in this sequel to Resident Evil, the big-screen adaptation of the popular video game. Picking up where the first film left off, Resident Evil: Apocalypse finds Alice (Milla Jovovich) still battling the living dead who are overtaking Raccoon City, inoculated with an anti-virus by the nefarious and all-powerful Umbrella Corporation (in addition to the virus itself). Alice encounters Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory), a former member of Umbrella’s internal defense team. Forming an alliance with mercenary-for-hire Carlos Olivera (Oded Fehr) and his cohorts, this tiny band of survivors seeks out Dr. Charles Ashford (Jared Harris), Umbrella’s top scientist and one of the only men with the know-how to find a solution to the zombie menace; however, they discover that Ashford’s cooperation comes with a price — the scientist’s daughter Angie (Sophie Vavasseur) is missing, and he’ll help Alice and her partners only if Angie is returned to him safe and sound. Resident Evil: Apocalypse was the first solo directorial credit for Alexander Witt, who previously distinguished himself as a cinematographer and second-unit director.

An unpopular high-school girl dies at the hands of her classmates when a cruel prank spins out of control, only to return from the land of the dead to seek revenge as a sexy seductress in this frightful feature from Final Destination screenwriter Jeffrey Reddick. Tamara was a quiet girl, and the cruelty of her classmates was relentless. As their disdain for their mousy classmate reaches a fever pitch, Tamara’s sadistic classmates carry out a vicious practical joke that inadvertently results in the young outcast meeting her doom. Tamara isn’t the kind to stay down forever though, and when the once-homely girl returns from beyond the grave with a killer new look and a body to die for, that’s exactly what her tormentors are about to do.

Sylvain White’s horror sequel I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer concerns four friends who decide to keep it to themselves after they see a mutual friend die during a dangerous stunt. One year after the incident, all four friends are getting scary messages from somebody who seems to know the group’s secret.

Adapted from the popular Sega arcade video game of the same name, director Uwe Boll’s action horror effort finds a group of partying teens stranded on an island and doing battle with a new breed of unusually mobile zombies. Looking for a place to party away spring break, college students Cynthia (Sonya Salomaa), Greg (Will Sanderson), and Karma (Enuka Okuma) hear rumors of a rave on a remote island in the Seattle area. Rushing to catch the party boat, the teens pick up friends Simon (Tyron Leitso) and Alicia (Ona Grauer), but discover upon arrival at the dock that the boat has set sail without them. Offering a few dollars to a local captain to hitch a ride to the island, the teens reach their destination only to find it eerily silent with no party in sight. Things go from bad to worse when the group is attacked by a mysterious creature, and they are forced to seek refuge in an old dark house on the island shore. Subsequently running into a few familiar faces and learning to their horror that the rave had been overrun by a horde of terrifying zombies, the group must now make one final bid for survival over the course of a long, blood-soaked night.

This high-octane semi-sequel to Sam Raimi’s cult hit The Evil Dead has nearly eclipsed its predecessor’s reputation thanks to an endless barrage of hyperkinetic camera acrobatics, rapid-fire editing and “splatstick” gore effects … not to mention a truly goofy performance by Bruce Campbell. Nearly the entire storyline of the previous film has been re-shot and presented in a drastically condensed form within the first few minutes: rock-jawed but clueless “hero” Ash (Campbell) now visits the mountain cabin only with girlfriend Linda (played here by Denise Bixler). Upon arrival at the cabin, Ash discovers the Sumerian Book of the Dead, the ritual dagger and a reel-to-reel tape containing the professor’s translations of the book’s hieroglyphics. The incantations summon an unseen, growling spirit from within the woods, which bursts into the cabin and takes possession of Linda’s soul. Ash is forced to decapitate her with a shovel, after which he buries her in the forest. At first dawn, Ash tries to make his escape, but is promptly set upon by the spirits, given a solid thrashing and nearly possessed himself, saved only by the arrival of sunlight. Cut off from the outside world, Ash is forced to hole up in the cabin and wait for the next demonic onslaught — which arrives sooner than expected, led by Linda’s rotting corpse. After being bitten by Linda’s chatty decapitated head, Ash’s hand becomes independent of his body and begins pummeling him repeatedly. The story then jumps to a local airport, where the professor’s daughter Annie (Sarah Berry) and her partner Ed Getley (Richard Domeier) have just arrived with the missing pages to the Necronomicon. They employ a cranky pair of local rednecks, Jake (Dan Hicks) and Bobbie Joe (Kassie Wesley), as guides to lead them through the dense woods to the cabin … where, at that very moment, Ash is removing his belligerent hand with a chainsaw, creating yet another ambulatory foe. Driven to the brink of insanity, Ash fires blindly at a noise outside, unaware that the new arrivals are Annie and company. Bobbie Joe is injured by the gunshot, which incurs the wrath of Jake, who knocks Ash senseless and locks him in the fruit cellar. Believing her father was murdered by Ash, Annie plays the rest of the professor’s recording to learn the truth, and discovers her possessed mother was buried in the same cellar — and not exactly resting in peace. This touches off a string of unbelievably gruesome (and hysterically funny) events, including Henrietta’s transformation into a stop-motion creature (reminiscent of a Ray Harryhausen creation), Ed’s sudden metamorphosis into a toothy, levitating ghoul, and Ash’s climactic confrontation with the forest demon itself. The obvious glee with which Raimi and company present this cavalcade of slime-drenched monstrosities and Three Stooges pratfalls makes it impossible to take seriously as a horror film, but Evil Dead 2 is nevertheless essential viewing among connoisseurs of truly demented cinema. The film’s sardonic coda opened the way for a slightly less successful sequel, Army of Darkness.